Have you been captured by thoughts about the new somewhat ‘trendy’ reason to end marriages? That marriage is for Personal Growth.
Divorce is sometimes inevitable and necessary. If you are getting a divorce – conscious uncoupling is certainly the way to go. Transitioning to being supportive friends and co-parents. Finding a way to get along, divide up assets amicably and keep the children’s wellbeing top of mind: Certainly beats the other thing.
I respect the couples who are forging a new way to conflict free, friendly and supportive divorce.
But honestly my skepticism is sparked in the story of “growth” being the reason behind the divorce.
This new idea – that marriage is here for growth and without that it’s time to un-wed – this is something I wonder about. Surely we are all headed for divorce if this is the new standard?
Which marriage could possibly survive the new terms?
Which couple could possibly remain consistent catalysts for mutual growth over the span of a lifetime?
I know none.
If this is the new grading system, my husband and I are certainly falling short.
If there are kids involved…then perhaps a marriage becomes about more than “personal growth”. Fracturing a home because “we just have different priorities now” is telling of the times we live in.
Maybe it’s ok to just do life together, sometimes? To just be living alongside each other with all the ups and downs? Maybe commitment itself is actually the most fertile ground for growth? Maybe stability matters?
I very much hope I never stare down the barrel of a divorce. But if I do, I hope it’s for a more profound reason than ‘growth’ (what does that even mean, exactly?). Because marriage is messy and hard and absolutely does need and deserve our work, toil, labor, sweat and tears. We all – especially the people with the microphones – need to be honest about that. It’s the only chance the rest of us have at “muscling it through” if that’s what we choose. And that’s what I choose.
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